the red eyed gorilla

i went back home for memorial day weekend.

on saturday my family and i went to the beach with our neighbors and my god parents. it was so much fun.

my normal beach routine: set bag down. set towel down on sand. take off clothes. walk to the water to get my feet wet. lay down. sleep. bake. roll over. sleep. bake. boring? yes. relaxing? yesss

this time however, i was with people that dont seem to understand the fact that at 19 my body is storing up on all the sleep im going to lose when i'm an adult. and my little neighbor andy wanted to play in the sand and go in the water and people wanted to talk and my mom wanted me to hook up the music and then change the song and it just felt like i was never ever going to go to sleep. so i stopped trying, and instead i spoke to everyone, and i built a castle, and i taught a little kid how to skimboard, i went swimming in freezing cold water, i had a blast. that evening my parents had a barbeque with the same people and i invited vy and eric over to join in. that was super awkward. thats all i'm going to say about that.

we went to Leila's that night to smoke hookah. i didnt really want to smoke, i just wanted to get out of the house, and that was the only thing i could really think of, plus claire and nic we're going to be there and i hadnt seen them in a while. we all happened to be dressed in white, it was very very cute.

after that vy went home and eric wasn't feeling good. so we went out to the land dock in his neighborhood and just talked. and this is where the red eyed gorilla comes in...

for as long as i can remember, i've had a recurring nightmare, of a red eyed gorilla sitting in my house, looking at me. it only happens in the night time. it never speaks. it never chases me. it just watches me. i've been told ever since i can remember that when you have a night mare you need to change your sheets because the bad dreams will get caught under your covers and then you'll keep having them. Lord knows i want NO part of that. so i change my sheets and the nightmare doesnt come back, until it does.

i've begun to think, that maybe its not a nightmare, its a reminder, that maybe nightmares are nothing more than just a forceful dream, getting a point across to you, and we dont like them, because they're telling us something important, like change your freakin sheets you ass. or dreams where you're being chased by some scary animal, he idiot, you need to be running towards this.

just something i noticed. sunday, church with the family, and then we were all supposed to do something together, but no one knew what. so we wasted our day away at home until we went to the fandrich's to plan our Key West vacation, who is bringing what, who's cooking what, etc.

this vacation is going to be very very interesting, we're going with 3 other families, they all have sons. i'm basically the only girl aside from Sean's girlfriend and well, i mean, shes there to be with sean, not hang out with me. i'm concerned because, ex bf Kevin is going and then Jason is going too and they're tight with one another. Joe and Brad have each other, Kev and Jay have each other, Sean and Bridget have each other. and me? well, haha. we'll just have to see i guess. ughhhh

sunday night went to a party at Gergens. won at LEAST 11 games of beer pong in a row with Eric. we were awesome. and the glory and adrenaline of winning, and being on top, i couldnt stop. i had no self control. i allowed myself to be put in such a dangerous position on the way home, cramped up in a car. then on the way home i threw up so much i'm sure i had nothing left in my stomach. my mom was so mad at me. i was mad at me. i could have had just as much fun sober as i did drunk, and NOT have puked my brains out. oh the mistakes we make. i know i learned.

and today, today i left home to drive back to Tallahassee, but always before i leave i hang out with Eric, realistically, i'm going to see him in 4 days because i seem to find any reason at all to go home, to hang out with him. today, i walk out of my car, just washed, its gleaming white. he kind of covers his eyes and said something like woah your car is bright today. i'm wearing a white oxford and some mostly white shorts and he uncovers his eyes and said ahh you're so bright too and smiled. i dont know. thats nothing really that big. but it pretty much made my morning. i'm lame. blah haha.

we sit on the bench outside of his house talking, his arm is around me. we always see the coolest things when we're together. saturday night the moon was like a spot light on us. it would be clouded over by the clouds and then when the wind moved them the moon beamed right on us. it was intense. but this morning we saw the weirdest looking bug, i cant even begin to describe it, and were graced by the presence of a buzzing bumble bee.

its like their wings just vibrate, not flap, they sound like a mini fan you'd get at Disney, they're bodies almost too big for those little flimsy wings.

somehow, i have a fairly large cut on my hand, probably from my drunken adventure, and eric, ha, he says, what is this? i know your body and this is not supposed to be there. it was cute. it made me smile.