What we call chaos is just patterns we haven't recognized yet.

woke up early. i was going to go onto campus early to print out my ethnography for music in the library....when i realized i hadnt fixed it. my ethnography was still what i observed. there was no higher realization or "a-ha" moment. and it killed me, to give into what the teacher wanted. because there was really no a-ha for me. i saw what i saw, i heard what i heard, i thought what i thought. and all of that had a musical quality. the end. that was my ethnography. my teacher cant take that away from me.

i sat next to Denise. she was nice. business major and a ballroom dancer. we were both like.... uh... what is this class about? ha. oh well. west african dance tomorrow. should be interesting. sitting in class, spacing out, i tend to people watch. i watched a guy and a girl pass notes to each other, smiling. i watched another couple sit with their heads rested against one another. there was a kid with a mohawk that repeated everything that everyone else said. there were 2 girls that just texted the entire class. a guy that sat in front of me tapped his pencil to every song we listened to.

i walked to statistics. the air felt great. that class is so fun. and we added a new girl to our group. she was a little on the annoying side, but i guess i felt that way because she wasnt bringing anything into the group. only taking my answers. i dont like that. but now i see what the real problem is. its me. im a control freak. i'd rather do all the work, do it how i feel is correct, than let someone else do it. i want to take all the blame, all the credit, i want to be the spokesperson for the group. i'm selfish.

class ended. it was fun none the less. it was raining outside. of course, the day that i walk to school, it would rain. called Drew. he picked me up. love that boy. we had a dance party. gawd i love him. haha.

made dinner. its so sad to eat by myself. its like a waste really. to cook it all. to then not even eat it all. then to clean it. i dont think i can ever live alone. i miss someone in my space.

now reading chuck palahniuk quotes. he's depressing. definitely a half empty kind of guy. but he does have insights.

-Just for the record, she still loves you. She wouldn't bother to torture you if she didn't.
this is so true.